5/20/15: Too depressed to post anything worthwhile

My car is about finished. I really don’t care about much right now.

I want to take everything that was fun and valuable to me, place it in that car and crush it.

I’ll start over with a new, boring, “grown up” adult life, free of storm chasing, teaching, and other unnecessary fun.

I guess it’s time to give up. Nothing quite like the feeling of giving up things you love. At this point, I want to do more than give them up; I want them totally destroyed, and to do enough drugs or alcohol to forget I ever cared about them in the first place.

I want to watch my car, filled to the brim with storm chase equipment, radio equipment, and weather books. I want to watch the claw grab it by the roof and smash it. Then, drop it into the conveyor leading it to the hammermill. I want to see the pieces come out; the steel will launch out in fist-sized chunks. Perhaps I’ll see my old magnets, mangled and ripped. I want to see the seat fluff and the pages from the books come out the non-metallic chute into a pile to be put in a landfill. The hammer mill will kick out a few hardened parts, though they will be entirely chewed up by the process. I want to see the crankshaft, with the broken easy out and the camshaft kick out as solid pieces. Ideally, I would watch them picked up by a magnet, loaded into a freight car, and hauled to a steel mill. Then I could watch them placed in the charging bucket, and the carbon electrodes melt them into steel. Hopefully, this steel will be used for something that will never, ever, entertain me, as fun is nothing but trouble.

FML. I hate everything right now.


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